Opinion: ALL QUIET ON THE WALLACE ST. FRONT

“Weirdos” said owner Zecchino. “I truly only play fantasy to trade.” added owner Roth. While a bevy of activity swirls around the NFL via injuries and roster moves all remains silent on the Wallace St. front. It leads the Chronicle to ask, has the WSLC gone stale? A once lively league full of audacious team managers has transformed into a group of risk averse 30 year olds biting their fingernails while watching CNBC. The recent success of owner Frank Santella’s Mr. Blockbuster may be to blame. The warm blooded Italian (recently discovered to be Middle Eastern) owner sold half of his team to a foreign entity in 2019. The controversial move led to Blockbuster’s exile as he relocated his franchise from Philadelphia to Los Angeles. It seems his knack for savvy trades was lost in the move. A source confirms a recent trade by Mr. Blockbuster was agreed upon and then revoked which led one team owner to state, “Mr. Blockbuster is dead.”

The number of trades in the WSLoC has severely dipped in the 2020 season.

Similar trade day jitters have plagued Mt. Rushmore. Known for requiring a king’s ransom in return, owner J Rush can’t seem to pull the trigger. “Try trading with Rush, that’s another 5 years gone…” mentioned Fembots owner Al Azar. Azar may be the league's only hope. After losing his top two RBs, Nick Chubb and Austin Ekler, on back-to-back plays, Azar is ripe for a headline grabbing transaction. However, The Fembots owner recently told the Chronicle “I was proud of my two shitty running backs on Sunday…not sure…but they were the least of my worries…” This statement proves a trade is far from imminent.

Text received from an unnamed owner by an unnamed owner.

It may not only be the two-tight-end-set the league is borrowing from Albino Rhinos owner Deane Nanni. The owner once famously turned down every trade offer during a successful season. The trade activity or lack thereof amongst WSLC owners can be summed up by Christian Minglers owner Tony Monaco’s ho hum remark, “I probably have to do something but lemme look.”

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