Opinion: LUTZ KICKS OUT FASCISTS

Owner Patty Malloy is no stranger to controversy. After years of taunting, teasing and frivolous instigation the 2020-21 season saw Malloy finally complete his transition to full heel. The major turning point occurred during an unscheduled owner’s meeting which saw Malloy suggest the league fatten the pot via waiver wires fees. Albino Rhinos’ owner, Deane Nanni, quickly declared Malloy a “communist” and reaffirmed his own allegiance to WSLC. The allegations led to several WSLC owners sharing their own quietly held beliefs of collusion and communist tendencies displayed by Malloy in previous engagements. With pressure being applied by the openly gay Albino Rhinos, Malloy removed his light veil and revealed his team identity of ‘Fascists.’

The proud ‘Fascists’ deployed an early strategy of homophobia and claims of dominance followed by a photo aimed to intimidate his opponent(s). Nanni defused the pre-game ambush by stating the Fascists’ owner resembled Roy Savage - a mix between Roy Munson and Macho Man Randy Savage. (Visual representation of the comparison was submitted to the league office and was confirmed as the group chat icon). While Nanni promised his own rise from the basement of WSLC, the stage was being set for an epic war of winless fantasy football teams.

Early afternoon attacks from QB Deshaun Watson and WR Deandre Hopkins were neutralized by Nanni’s top lieutenant Kelce and newly promoted captains Hunt and Henderson. Despite their strong defense, the Rhino’s found themselves down double digits with only their kicker, Wil Lutz, remaining. The war waged deep into Monday night before history began to repeat itself. Malloy could only watch as Lutz made 3 extra points and 3 field goals (1 in overtime) to kick The Fascists out once and for all. Time will tell if The Fascists can recover from 0-5 to promote their propaganda again, however, Monday’s win was a big victory for two tight ends, gay rights, and, of course, the WSLC.

It takes all of us to stop fascism. Be sure to vote in the upcoming presidential election Nov. 3.

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